...the water was luke warm...'s Journal

Subject:	godlovesugly
Time:	9:34 pm.
Mood:	sick.
Music:	laker game..

i TOTALLY intended on going to school today.
but then i woke up.
and OH MAN...was i dying...
so ma mere insisted that i stay home so that when she gets home we can pay a visit to the medical facilities
so i stayed home all day...doing ABSOLUTELY nothing.
so i decided that now would be a GRAND oppurtunity to make a new livejournal
since i don't like the one i have now..
not that i don't LIKE it..i just would prefer a less AZN PRYDE name..haha
hence the new journal

__godlovesugly
yep. godlovesugly..atmosphere is SO cool that i named my journal after his cd. GREAT huh? yea..it's not different from this journal..just the name..
so add me..cause in like a week i'm gonna stop using this mess completely.

sucks when a person is left with nothing but her thoughts.

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	...can't even be friends..it's a song about a FRIEND...
Time:	7:41 pm.
Mood:	sick.
Music:	blackstar- children's story.

hey guys..it smells like up dog in here...
you say: WHAT'S UP DOG?
WHAT UP DAWG?! heh.

yesterday me and jm went with our mom's to tita gertrude's 50th birthday party..it wasn't all that great...pj went..so that was fun. but nothing else really happened that night..cept talking with the parents while tita messie got drunk. and my mom was called a slut. it was nice. went to sleep yesterday around...2? cause i was watching prison song with q-tip that movie is sad =\

today i just went to church and us four went to UV and ate at rubio's..the guy atgreat steak and potato was there again..and yea. he didn't HIT on me this time..but..ugh. then they dropped us off and me and my mom went to get the cars oil change...guy at jiffy lube was CUTE. oh man. then went to the mall...got my hair colored again....IT BURNED. ouch. and then cut shorter...and here i am...

my days have been pretty good..but like...just it sucks that because of this ONE thing..i can't be completely happy. i can't get over him.

expect a new livejournal soon.

OH OH OH! i saw justice! yay. i missed him.
oh oh..and i BELIEVE that i saw kristine (sp?) ((lj user = __brokenshotgun))
on friday...tell me if i did or didn't...haha

(trust me)

Time:	10:42 pm.
Mood:	rejected.
Music:	incubus - make yourself.

just so you guys don't worry. jasper's fine. he's alive.

past few days haven't been all that great for me
didn't go to school the 7th cause i was SUPER sick.
stayed home..attempted to work on homework and watched movies.
didn't finish my homework so i ended up not going to 2nd and 3rd today.
i wouldn't have gone at all if my final wasn't due..
but i went over to amanda's at around....8? with food
we ate...did our projects..and went to school at 10 just in time for 4th
presented my final. all good.
turns out mrs. hudson lived in cebu for quite awhile.
didn't expect THAT one.
did french homework at lunch. rest of the day was...uneventful.
walked home with amanda and the group.
we caught up. i miss her.
it's funny..today seemed like SUCH a better day before i found that whole thing out.
i'm hurting. really bad. i wondered why i wasn't so heartbroken about before.
guess it's coming to me now that it's all final..i guess.
late reaction? whatever. it really hurts guys.
whatever.

i want to talk to jm.

(2 lies) (trust me)

Subject:	2003 survey
Time:	3:58 pm.

Part 1 at any point in 2003, did you:
1. Go to a party? yes mam
2. Try something new? uhhm...i don't even remember..but i'm sure i did..
3. Have something change your life? many things..
4. Kiss someone? ..haha at first i thought it was no..but THEN....yea..i remembered. ..so yea.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? everyday
6. Buy something extravagant? not really....my cell phone? but that wasn't my money..my digital camera..but that wasn't my money. haha
7. Do something nice for you? yes i'm a selfish bitch.
8. Do something terribly wrong?hMmm...yea. but no regrets.
9. Move? NOPE.
10. Go to a concert?yeeea! the mos def concert which was the BEST EVER.

Part 2 Best Of the Year:

1. Party: hMmMm...tie between....probably the xmas eve eve...and...the new years party..
2. Show: uhm...FAMILY GUY.
3. CD: wow...of the YEAR? alicia keys - the diary of alicia keys
4. Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean
5. Song: of the WHOLE year? oh..beautiful - blackstar and mary j. ((i know it's old..but it's significant to this year))
6. Experience: being in love
7. Concert:well i only went to one this year...the MOS DEF one..
8. Book: still in the process of reading one....but it's SUPER good so far..but best one i've already READ...is virgin suicides
9. Month: november
10. Day: Fridays

Part 3 Hopes for 2003:

1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2003? wait..isn't it 2004? you SILLY.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? discrimination...it's the stupidest thing in the world
3. What do you hope for yourself? stop procrastinating..and live my life..and not dwell on stupid things...cause none of it is ever worth it...why spend ur time here being in a negative place? we only live once.
4. What do you hope for your family? my family is great...it can only go up from here.
5. What do you hope for your best friend? she be safe...and above all HAPPY..and that her situation with her parents improve so they see what a WONDEFUL person she is..
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? happiness. that they don't waste their time.
7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? yes...they never just SETTLE....they always HAVE to find the cure for SOMETHING. probably the cure for hiccups. or sneezing. .
8. What is your biggest wish for 2003? that i don't dwell on things that may happen..cause i know bad things will happen this year..i know that i'm gonna hurt somewhere down the line...i just hope that i don't dwell..and i take my own advice and live..and forgive.
9. Who would u want to get to know better? my dad.

(trust me)

Subject:	continued....
Time:	9:10 pm.
Mood:	dirty.
Music:	football.

kay...so where was i? ((that food was GREAT by the way))

so spent the rest of the night watching my dad hustle all the teenagers at blackjack..((true basco trait))...bro cleaned up at poker ((won 80 something..))..mom cleaned up at mahjong ((won 70 something)) and the only thing i really did was drink..haha yea..that's us bascos. then i wanted to watch finding nemo so i watched it with kupaul, liz, deejay, and alea fell asleep around 3:50? left around 4:30? got home...attempted to text everyone back...didn't work for jasper so i called him..left a message...and crashed...

woke up today around 12 cause my dad was leaving for the airport...gone for a little over a month this time...but after they left i went STRAIGHT back to sleep..after calling jasper..kinda got...ehh...whatever..but went back to sleep and didn't wake up til like.....5:30...haha yea go rachelle.

so a lot has been on my mind lately...mostly since that night jasper called me..he called on i think.....the 30th..talked to him for a good...six hours..i don't know why we have so much to talk about all the time..it's really great..i love talking to him..he does something to me./.but yea...we talked about jayr and his, clay, friend dying..that's crazy guys...we really have to stop taking our life and the days given to us for granted...it's not worth it...nothing is...rest in peace clay...but yea...i had a really really nice converstaion with jasper probably one of the best...
new year's resolution: keep him in my life
..but yea...i still have really strong feelings for him and what not..but..i'm dealing...trying not to let little things get to me...even though a few slip every now and then..i know that in the end...my little lkdjfklsdj that make me wanna keep my distance from him aren't worth it...he's really important to me..nothing is worth losing his friendship...not even these stupid little jealousy things...

well i have more to say..but i think i've made this long enough...just a word of advice: live your life to the fullest..don't just say you are like everyone else...really do it...cause something like this could happen again...and another life could be claimed...and it might be yours...and you don't want to end it..with regrets...with thoughts of 'i should of...' in ur mind...and forgive people...no one wants to lose someone on bad terms...especially if it's stupid shit...squash it. it's not worth it...just forgive...if it's hard for you to forgive..just think about this...if this person were to die tomorrow..could you live with the fact that they know..that they're not right with you? that they died...knowing that you were mad at them? that you being mad at them for something they did would be their last memory of you?i couldn't live with something like that on my chest...so...live ur life to the fullest..and learn to forgive...it's not that hard...

BE SAFE

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	some jessica simpson song is stuck in my head. =\
Time:	8:28 pm.

happy new year

the holidays aren't as exciting as they were before. hmm. kind of sucks.
but how was everyone's new years eve? good? good.
mine was really super fun. spent it at the espinosa household with the millions of trinidads and such. i love my family i seriously do. my family is so UNBELIEVABLY close. iloveit. last night was the funnest ever. around 11:45 all of us crowded downstairs with all these party favors....and the various instruments of the espinosa brothers...((bongos...snare...shaky things...mostly drums and such)) but we all crowded together and just started jamming. it was an INCREDIBLE feeling..making CRAZY music that made us sound like we were a tribe. our energy was great. the whole trinidad line revolves around food and music. not a bad combination. haha but yea..made music while walkin aroung the house makin noise...11:54 rolled around and we all crowded into the living room..with party music making all kinds of noise...and singing our ASSES off...it was so great. I LOVE MY FAMILY well did the whole yelling and hugging when the new year came...then everyone scattered...the adults into the garage to drink and play poker..the kids into the garage to drink and play blackjack..haha oh..a word of advice....not a good idea to drink in front of the mom hahah not that bad..but that look of disappointment...she didn't really care though. haha...but uhh...TO BE CONTINUED...((FOOD IS HERE FINALLY!!))

(trust me)

Subject:	..or u'll get the scare that DJ did...
Time:	11:40 pm.
Mood:	weird.
Music:	alicia keys cd BOMB STUFF MAN..

DUNKS ARE BOMB. haha the brown and orange one is deejay's the pink and marron one is stephs the COOL BROWN AND BLUE ONE is yours truly and the blue and gray one is gringo's yea. we're cool haha.

OH MAN..haha i'm having THEE funniest conversation with pj right now. too bad i gotta keep it on the DL. haha I'M A COMEDIAN GUYS. haha it's so funny.

so today is my bro's DAY OF BIRTH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA
so we went thrift shopping today..and got a WHOLE CRAP LOAD OF CLOTHES.
it's great. i love thrift shops. we CLEANED UP DAWG.

so what has rachelle been up to since christmas you say? well let's recap:

friday i went to the santa maria's new house. NICE. they have THEE COOLEST SHOWER. and the TRAMPOLINE. oh man...the TRAMPOLINE. haha it's great.
saturday was alex's birthday. sweet 16. didn't do much. went to eat dinner at applebee's with the cousins and such. it was nice
sunday we went to church with the santa maria's i missed everyone there. the little sunday school kids put on a play..OH MAN..it was the CUTEST THING..haha and the funniest too. then went to eat. back home. church with kuya cholo, deejay, liz, and kuya dino then went to watch loth: return of the king..me, steph, and deejay didn't watch the whole thing. we left to watch cheaper by the dozen i know what ur thinking "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD ANYONE LEAVE LORD OF THE RINGS FOR A FAMILY FLICK?!' well i didn't watch the first two..and didn't really feel like bugging the person next to me asking why this was happening and who the hell froto was. haha but we went back for the last hour since that movie is FOREVERLONG. i liked what i saw of it. they took FOREVER AND A DAY to end that mess though. haha. got jack in the box. slept.

so there you go. tomorrow i'm planning on staying home to work on ALL THE HOMEWORK IN THE WORLD. i miss my house. it's been to long guys. WAY TOO LONG. haha i need to return to the home body i once was.

OH! rachelle got her attachments for the digital. HERE ARE SOME PRETTY PICTURES TO LOOK AT :)

( + like FIFTY. )

~~imisshim~~

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	...'they sang happy birthday and stufff..'....'for who? OH! hah nvm'
Time:	7:48 pm.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	laker game.

m e r r y c h r i s t m a s

aloooha. how was everyone's christmas eve?
mine was GREAT.
had the whole trinidad crew here til ike 5am
always nice. i love my family guys
so what'd everyone get?
i got COOL things...

white and gray pumas from kuya melo
blue and brown dunks from my kuya
a cd case
a shirt
a bunch of money
a thing..haha i dunno what it's called

i think i forgot stuff..but yea...i talked to jasper too. fun stuff. love that guy.

the 23rd was the christmas eve eve with the guys. it was NICE. we all went to eb's house. opened gifts. haha it was funny.
i got uhhhhm...

cds from jm
a COOL hat from eb
a bob marley shirt from kris
a jacket from rosa loza
puzzles from izak

izak got everyone's gift from the 99 cent store. he's great. but yea it was nice just hanging out. then we went to eat at sammy's then went home around 11? yea. it was nice.

so tomorrow i'm headed to the santa maria's house. gonna go paintballing on uhhh saturday. should be FUN and i'm gonna jump ALL over their trampoline. hah man i'm tired. BYE GUYS.

(trust me)

Subject:	...take my breath awaaaaaaay...
Time:	11:13 pm.
Mood:	blank.
Music:	yeah yeah yeahs cd.

oNebOi16: man im hella sad
i L L x even: why?
oNebOi16: jes reasons
i L L x even: ..kay?
i L L x even: so ur gonna im me and tell me ur sad..and not even tell me why?
oNebOi16: yea..
i L L x even: alright..THAT makes sense..heh
oNebOi16: yea..
i L L x even: alright..well i dunno what to tell you
oNebOi16: its kew
i L L x even: alright
oNebOi16: yea..

well THAT was a complete waste of FIVE minutes. i dont' mean to be mean but i mean...hah i said mean like FIFTY times..but it really bothers me when people just say things for sympathy. i mean really...was there a VALID reason for him to im me just saying he's sad? and NOT tell me WHY? i already know what he wanted..he wanted me to be all 'aww..charles don't be sad..i'm here for you...i love you...etc.' THAT'S STUPID. don't going LOOKING for sympathy. it's crap. ten bucks says he doesn't even have a GOOD REASON to be sad. IT'S EFFING CHRISTMAS. be happy for goodness sake. and if ur gonna be all MOPEY..at least TELL ME WHY so i can TRY to understand. i mean i swear...the things people do for attention. and i don't know about YOU..but if *i* were 'hella sad' i wouldn't waste my time being online. for some reason...he just really frustrated me.

sorry guys

so went shopping with jm, kris, and eb today. it was fun. we're becoming a little group us four. it's sweet. haha we went to denim bank and all those great stores in that area. made it all EXTRA hard for the guys to shop for us since we were there. haha sorry guys. then we went to tyler i bought my bro's present. FINISHED MY XMAS SHOPPING guys. how GREAT. then we went to the area around eb's house and ate and hung out and stuff. it was nice. love hanging out with them.

tomorrow is our little christmas eve eve with the guys at eb's house. should be FUN

imissyou
ehh. not even gonna start.

(trust me)

Subject:	just keep swimming..just keep swimming...
Time:	12:18 am.
Mood:	aggravated.
Music:	blackstar - definition.

l a s t d a y o f s c h o o l

whoo.i was late to school heh.
i got there right when the guys were leaving for denny's
i didn't ditch guys :)
but uhh..yea i showed up with ALL THE PRESENTS IN THE WORLD..((i was santa.))
and a thing of milk..and cereal. yea i looked weird.
i gave amanda her present :) hope she likes it.
and dropped off the food and such in the class for the party
the cereal party was BOMB. haha we should do that again.
but i ended up having a stomach ache..ALL DAY.
i ate five bowls guys.
that's a lot..it's cause i was competing..
and i lost...
david: 8 bowls ((that cheater...))
damien: 7
lucho: 6
robert: 6
mrs. rosenzweig: 5 ((BUT SHE'S PREGNANT. she's eating for two. so it's not fair))
me: 5
hah yea...i held my own guys. but i think i regret eating that much.
my stomach HUUUUURT.it still does.
the rest of the day..was pretty uneventful.

after school me, rosie, and jm got picked up and went to boompa's
had some fun...rosie got a celllll phone
yea that's right..LOLA ROSIE GOT A PHONE
heh. so after we ate..we went to rosie's house..
kris, izak, and kevin were there..
they jammed. i took a shower.
then around....6? we went to kelleah's
watched LXG exchanged presents then watched gia sexXxXy. haha
yea..it was nice. i love kelleah and cher and all of them they're GREAT.
and now i'm home.
i almost lost my digital camera guys *gasp*
prgress reports are in *gasp* i hope jm didn't get in trouble. =\

well i'm tired..and not feeling to well...GNITE GUYS..

what i got today:
*cool paper making thing from amanda*
*blackstar cd from joann*
*underwear from cher ((of course))*
*money from kelleah*
*vicky secret stuff from tee*
*a wristband and a FASTBREAK from colleen*
*and a bunch of cards and candy from other people*

i'm starting to do that thinking thing again. CRAP. i don't like having relationships. they end up with me like this. it's crap. i don't like this feeling. it's not fun. at the beginning of EVERYTHING i think it's worth it. i'm not so sure it is anymore. i don't want relationships anymore. single rachelle is a much happier one.

(trust me)

Subject:	...geez..what else is ur teacher?!
Time:	9:58 pm.
Mood:	discontent.
Music:	emotions - destiny's child.

me: use loathing in a sentence
eb: The loathing force toward the Iraqi citizens petrified all of mankind
me: hah alright
eb: or black people
me: my teacher is black.
eb: haha oh.
eb: ok then...women
me: SHE'S A BLACK WOMAN.
eb: dang...what ELSE is ur teacher?!

yea that was fun.
so how was everyone's day? mine was...alright
haha i'm looking at cher's xanga even though i already read it
i'm just looking at it cause i like the song on here. haha
good way to get people to your site...GET A BOMB SONG ON IT.
GOOD IDEA.
so let's see what happened today shall we?
you say let's!
p.e. uhhhm the usual..played basketball..me and joann are BOMB. OH..some gross beyond reason girl decided that it'd be HILARIOUS to tape a USED tampon to the inside of the pe office...GROSS...no one knows who it was but until the coaches find out who did it...the girls are to report to the track EVERY day. what girl in their RIGHT mind finds that crap FUNNY?! that's UNSANITARY! what if she had freakin STDS?! we'd all have aids right now. THINK BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING PEOPLE. IT MAY BE FUNNY TO YOU..BUT IT COULD HURT SOMEONE. hah.
world history easy day...CEREAL PARTY ON FRIDAY...the benefits of having a PREGNANT teacher..she just wants food. everyone was talking about that whole kris and me thing...stupid david putting me on blast. i don't like him guys. i don't.
english MRS. HUDSON SUCKS. we had to finish our benchmark today..and if we didn't finish it before the period ended..we had to stay FOREVER to finish...and we started it like 15 min before class ended..so half the class stayed after...so i ended up missing lunch...STUPID.
lunch DIDN'T HAVE ONE DUE TO THE ABOVE.
geometry the usual. insane mrs. lane. hah
bio a test i actually did good on...be proud of me. and i took a nap too :)
french watched finding nemo in french..GREAT STUFF.
after school we hung out in the a.c.t room. it was fun...then went to rosies house and watched freaky frida haha YES. that movie is TOO FUNNY.

sdjfhjsdfhuiweghfusdfjchsdiufhuehdfjkasdjeiowfhk dkfjkdhi jksdjfiohiohkdsjfks.
well said rachelle.

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	haha NUTS.
Time:	3:42 pm.
Mood:	hungry.
Music:	alicia keys - if i ain't got you.

hmmMm so it seems that mr. LIVEJOURNAL decided that he wanted more FRIENDS and doesn't reqire the CODE giving to join the CLUB..OoOO how FUN. thinking about making a new journal..cause je deteste the my username..lil_fili_beb. PSH. stupid AZN. haha you can't be mad at me..i made this WONDERFUL thing when i was JUSt getting out of my AZN phase. wEn i stiL tYpEd lYkE dIs. yea it's gay i kno. so new journal yes? when i have the time..i'll do it. i'll try not to pull one of those things where i say i'll do it later and NEVER EVER DO IT EVER. haha i need some kind of motivation....HEY GUYS! HELP ME...comment..and make fun of my user name...so i get all SAD and make a new one because i'm a follower and i just want to be cool. so if you tell me to change my username a few times and make fun me..you kno call me a few names..i JUST might do it. haha.

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	oh..ur birthday is the 11th? my babe used to be 11. criesi>
Time:	11:41 pm.
Mood:	cold.
Music:	alicia keys - diary <<--GET THIS CD..

hi guys. long time no see..
wow you all look SO grown
dalaga na man! i know i know. i'm a fob
hanging out with too many filipinos.
damn them filipinos right? psh. right. haha
so yea..lots been going on lately
not really but..been THINKING a lot lately
OoOOo the thoughts of rachelle
haven't done THAT in a while
i've been wanting to write SO bad..
no FREAKIN time. i've had SO much to say though guys
don't think i can remember it all.
a lot of different thoughts goin on.
i don't think i'm totally sure about ANY situation i'm in right now.
i don't like that unstable feeling.
it makes me feel....unstable
wow would you IMAGINE that? haha
nothing is really all TERRIBLE with me
nothing is really GREAT either.
yesterday was fun. i went over to kevin's after school
girltalked with him. i haven't talked to him forever.
it's about time we caught up.
everyone has a boyfriend now guys! WOW! haha
the WHOLE group has one...watch:
jm has evan <<--didn't say EB cause they'd both just have two letters..and calling her joanne is just weird.
amanda has aj <<--precious couple them too<<--HAH I SAID TOO. i meant TWO....HAVEN'T BEEN SEEING HER AT ALL LATELY. that jerk.
rosie has peter <<--if they get married.....ROSA LOZA..yEEeEa. HAHA
joann PRACTICALLY has nigel <<--sweet little azn couple.
cher has jun <<--yea that's right..MY GIRLFRIEND..has a boyfriend...whatever..i'm better.

it's just down to me guys. haha
don't really think i'll be wanting a boyfriend anytime soon
seems that every guy that's been coming into my path...i compare with jasper
i don't even do it on purpose..it just happens.
it sucks. cause we all know that jasper is the greatest right?
right.
damn it. i miss him.
so yea..no boy action in the rachelle area for a while..
I'M CLOSED. not TAKEN. but CLOSED.
BOYS NEED NOT APPLY thankyouverymuch.

i L L x even: "went home around 8:00 p.m..when went past by the exit to mai babes city..i started to cry in the car.."
i L L x even: WTF...this guy cries too much
i L L x even: if you were a girl..would you want ur guy CRYING....EVERY SECOND HE THINKS ABOUT YOU?
i L L x even: jasper..when i saw the florida orange juice bottle in the fridge..i just...BROKE DOWN..
JasperDV1: if i was a guy
JasperDV1: which i am
JasperDV1: i would want my girl crying non stop
JasperDV1: like brittany
JasperDV1: spears
JasperDV1: CRY ME A RIVER
i L L x even: haha but...
i L L x even: i said IF YOU WERE A GIRL..
i L L x even: would you want ur GUY crying...
i L L x even: over you..like...'oh....ur birthday is the 11h? my babe used to be eleven'
i L L x even: WAAAAAAAH.

got kelleahs present :)
need cher's
need jm's
got eb's :)
got kris' :)
writing something for jasper :)
got kevin's :)
...i don't have my list with me. hah

goodnite guys. time for THE GREAT AREA AND PERIMETER PROJECT. stupid mrs. lane and her math songs.

GOT MY DIGITAL CAMERA TODAY GUYS.

(trust me)

Time:	9:30 pm.
Mood:	apathetic.
Music:	watching//bruce almighty.

aloha. tomorrow is my birthday guys :)
not really as excited as i thought
but rachelle got BANK! haha let's go shopping :)
yesterday i FINALLY watched the infamous Pirates of the Caribbean
OH MAN...johnny depp is a SEXXY BEAST.
hung out with the guys. it was nice
i don't know what to do about kris
i don't know whether i like him or not
it's on and off with him
and can't start anything with an unstable feeling
cause then i'll be all GAY and back out
i've already told him that i just wanna be friends
but i guess sometimes the way i act around him makes him think otherwise
i'm not PURPOSELY leading him on guys
i hope you don't think i am cause i'm not
i don't know why i don't like him though...
there really isn't any reason why i shouldnt
but i can't control it..
i mean there's not even anything standing in my way
there's no OTHER GUY....cause me and jasper..i guess are just friends now
i'm cool with that. i want him to be happy
and rosie is with peter..
but something just isn't working for me i guess. i dunno
i'm a fickle lady. haha i'm sorry.

so uhhm..i guess jasper has jen now
...YUP...
i'm cool with it
it's ABOUT time they got together
but it' still hurts a little you know?
can't help it. i still love him
i still have feelings for him
i wish things could be different
but hey..what you want isn't always what you need right? RIGHT.
i hope he doesn't start reading this. haha
but yea it's cool
i still wanna have a BOMB friendship with him though
kay i'm outta stuff to say...BYE GUYS.

( cause all that matters is the bass and the movement )

(1 lie) (trust me)

Subject:	to the heart and mind...ignorance is blind...there's no comfort in the truth..pain is all you'll find..
Time:	11:43 pm.

there is no snow today
there is no rain today
the only thing on my mind today is sunshine
and i'm having a hard time faking this smile

uhm. today was...alright?
wore my BOMB scarf thing today "hey that's a cool hat/shoes/shirt/scarf..where'd you get that? oOoO yeEea"
uhm. we ran the mile today. that was alright
nice talk with joann as usual
world history was alright
that teacher loves me. haha i'm her favorite student
damn straight.
got 100 on the essay! yay for rachelle!
english sucked my butt so bad.
mrs hudson got ALL crazy with me. what was that?! i'm telling you. she hates me.
lunch was preetty good just did the usual
geometry was boring.
biology...i fell asleep and kept like...doing that thing where you like twitch and wake up.
i looked retarded.
met up with jm and all of them after 6th...
was late to 7th so i didn't go.
went to jm's..watched family guy and ordered pizza..
took a nap..like a bitch. hah
came home...now my parents went to the casino..
so house...all to myself...on a THURSDAY night..
fun stuff guys.

dksfjdsifh. i dunno what's happening with jasper. i really don't. it's like..we're slowly..pulling outta the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing like..we both don't wanna break up..but we both kinda know..it's bound to happen i guess...i dunno..i don't even know what he thinks about it...he's kind of avoiding it..so i'm just like...alright..whatever he wants to do...i guess like..jdfklsdjf i wanna be with him and i'm sick of all these stupid dramatic talks we have....i don't like arguing with him..or making him feel bad..or anything like that..and i don't wanna break up..but it's like..i understand you kno? cause of our circumstances...but of course it hurts..i can't be like..happy about it or anything..so i hope he's not expecting me to be all...happy for him..cause..it's natural emotion..i mean i'll understand and i'll be alright with it i guess..but can't expect me to just be like 'oh ok..i don't care that you have another girlfriend' i just sometimes get the feeling that he wants to break up already just..he doesn't want to hurt me or anything..i mean..i just wish that if he did want to..that he just did it already..and just spare me all this...wondering..and spare himself the trouble you kno? i don't want to break up though. i know we probably should...but i don't want to. i still love him guys. i think i was just rambling. haha jdskfjsdi i don't know guys.

gnite.
i'm emotionally confused.

(trust me)

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