...the water was luke warm...

godlovesugly

2004-01-13T05:11:24Z

i TOTALLY intended on going to school today.
but then i woke up.
and OH MAN...was i dying...
so ma mere insisted that i stay home so that when she gets home we can pay a visit to the medical facilities
so i stayed home all day...doing ABSOLUTELY nothing.
so i decided that now would be a GRAND oppurtunity to make a new livejournal
since i don't like the one i have now..
not that i don't LIKE it..i just would prefer a less AZN PRYDE name..haha
hence the new journal __godlovesugly
yep. godlovesugly..atmosphere is SO cool that i named my journal after his cd. GREAT huh? yea..it's not different from this journal..just the name..
so add me..cause in like a week i'm gonna stop using this mess completely.

sucks when a person is left with nothing but her thoughts.

...can't even be friends..it's a song about a FRIEND...

2004-01-12T03:18:20Z

hey guys..it smells like up dog in here...
you say: WHAT'S UP DOG?
WHAT UP DAWG?! heh.

yesterday me and jm went with our mom's to tita gertrude's 50th birthday party..it wasn't all that great...pj went..so that was fun. but nothing else really happened that night..cept talking with the parents while tita messie got drunk. and my mom was called a slut. it was nice. went to sleep yesterday around...2? cause i was watching prison song with q-tip that movie is sad =\

today i just went to church and us four went to UV and ate at rubio's..the guy atgreat steak and potato was there again..and yea. he didn't HIT on me this time..but..ugh. then they dropped us off and me and my mom went to get the cars oil change...guy at jiffy lube was CUTE. oh man. then went to the mall...got my hair colored again....IT BURNED. ouch. and then cut shorter...and here i am...

my days have been pretty good..but like...just it sucks that because of this ONE thing..i can't be completely happy. i can't get over him.

expect a new livejournal soon.

OH OH OH! i saw justice! yay. i missed him.
oh oh..and i BELIEVE that i saw kristine (sp?) ((lj user = __brokenshotgun))
on friday...tell me if i did or didn't...haha

lil_fili_beb @ 2004-01-08T22:42:00

2004-01-09T06:19:24Z

just so you guys don't worry. jasper's fine. he's alive.

past few days haven't been all that great for me
didn't go to school the 7th cause i was SUPER sick.
stayed home..attempted to work on homework and watched movies.
didn't finish my homework so i ended up not going to 2nd and 3rd today.
i wouldn't have gone at all if my final wasn't due..
but i went over to amanda's at around....8? with food
we ate...did our projects..and went to school at 10 just in time for 4th
presented my final. all good.
turns out mrs. hudson lived in cebu for quite awhile.
didn't expect THAT one.
did french homework at lunch. rest of the day was...uneventful.
walked home with amanda and the group.
we caught up. i miss her.
it's funny..today seemed like SUCH a better day before i found that whole thing out.
i'm hurting. really bad. i wondered why i wasn't so heartbroken about before.
guess it's coming to me now that it's all final..i guess.
late reaction? whatever. it really hurts guys.
whatever.

i want to talk to jm.

dfdsfsd

2004-01-07T07:10:44Z

left school early. i was DYING.
i'm worried. i haven't heard from jasper since friday..
AT ALL. i haven't heard from jayr either.
i'm scared. i'm like SEIROUSLY worried.
i don't like this feeling
i hope they're ok.

2003 survey

2004-01-02T23:36:16Z

Part 1 at any point in 2003, did you:
1. Go to a party? yes mam
2. Try something new? uhhm...i don't even remember..but i'm sure i did..
3. Have something change your life? many things..
4. Kiss someone? ..haha at first i thought it was no..but THEN....yea..i remembered. ..so yea.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? everyday
6. Buy something extravagant? not really....my cell phone? but that wasn't my money..my digital camera..but that wasn't my money. haha
7. Do something nice for you? yes i'm a selfish bitch.
8. Do something terribly wrong?hMmm...yea. but no regrets.
9. Move? NOPE.
10. Go to a concert?yeeea! the mos def concert which was the BEST EVER.

Part 2 Best Of the Year:

1. Party: hMmMm...tie between....probably the xmas eve eve...and...the new years party..
2. Show: uhm...FAMILY GUY.
3. CD: wow...of the YEAR? alicia keys - the diary of alicia keys
4. Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean
5. Song: of the WHOLE year? oh..beautiful - blackstar and mary j. ((i know it's old..but it's significant to this year))
6. Experience: being in love
7. Concert:well i only went to one this year...the MOS DEF one..
8. Book: still in the process of reading one....but it's SUPER good so far..but best one i've already READ...is virgin suicides
9. Month: november
10. Day: Fridays

Part 3 Hopes for 2003:

1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2003? wait..isn't it 2004? you SILLY.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? discrimination...it's the stupidest thing in the world
3. What do you hope for yourself? stop procrastinating..and live my life..and not dwell on stupid things...cause none of it is ever worth it...why spend ur time here being in a negative place? we only live once.
4. What do you hope for your family? my family is great...it can only go up from here.
5. What do you hope for your best friend? she be safe...and above all HAPPY..and that her situation with her parents improve so they see what a WONDEFUL person she is..
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? happiness. that they don't waste their time.
7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? yes...they never just SETTLE....they always HAVE to find the cure for SOMETHING. probably the cure for hiccups. or sneezing. .
8. What is your biggest wish for 2003? that i don't dwell on things that may happen..cause i know bad things will happen this year..i know that i'm gonna hurt somewhere down the line...i just hope that i don't dwell..and i take my own advice and live..and forgive.
9. Who would u want to get to know better? my dad.

continued....

2004-01-02T04:47:49Z

kay...so where was i? ((that food was GREAT by the way))

so spent the rest of the night watching my dad hustle all the teenagers at blackjack..((true basco trait))...bro cleaned up at poker ((won 80 something..))..mom cleaned up at mahjong ((won 70 something)) and the only thing i really did was drink..haha yea..that's us bascos. then i wanted to watch finding nemo so i watched it with kupaul, liz, deejay, and alea fell asleep around 3:50? left around 4:30? got home...attempted to text everyone back...didn't work for jasper so i called him..left a message...and crashed...

woke up today around 12 cause my dad was leaving for the airport...gone for a little over a month this time...but after they left i went STRAIGHT back to sleep..after calling jasper..kinda got...ehh...whatever..but went back to sleep and didn't wake up til like.....5:30...haha yea go rachelle.

so a lot has been on my mind lately...mostly since that night jasper called me..he called on i think.....the 30th..talked to him for a good...six hours..i don't know why we have so much to talk about all the time..it's really great..i love talking to him..he does something to me./.but yea...we talked about jayr and his, clay, friend dying..that's crazy guys...we really have to stop taking our life and the days given to us for granted...it's not worth it...nothing is...rest in peace clay...but yea...i had a really really nice converstaion with jasper probably one of the best...
new year's resolution: keep him in my life
..but yea...i still have really strong feelings for him and what not..but..i'm dealing...trying not to let little things get to me...even though a few slip every now and then..i know that in the end...my little lkdjfklsdj that make me wanna keep my distance from him aren't worth it...he's really important to me..nothing is worth losing his friendship...not even these stupid little jealousy things...

well i have more to say..but i think i've made this long enough...just a word of advice: live your life to the fullest..don't just say you are like everyone else...really do it...cause something like this could happen again...and another life could be claimed...and it might be yours...and you don't want to end it..with regrets...with thoughts of 'i should of...' in ur mind...and forgive people...no one wants to lose someone on bad terms...especially if it's stupid shit...squash it. it's not worth it...just forgive...if it's hard for you to forgive..just think about this...if this person were to die tomorrow..could you live with the fact that they know..that they're not right with you? that they died...knowing that you were mad at them? that you being mad at them for something they did would be their last memory of you?i couldn't live with something like that on my chest...so...live ur life to the fullest..and learn to forgive...it's not that hard...

BE SAFE

some jessica simpson song is stuck in my head. =\

2004-01-02T04:05:48Z

happy new year

the holidays aren't as exciting as they were before. hmm. kind of sucks.
but how was everyone's new years eve? good? good.
mine was really super fun. spent it at the espinosa household with the millions of trinidads and such. i love my family i seriously do. my family is so UNBELIEVABLY close. iloveit. last night was the funnest ever. around 11:45 all of us crowded downstairs with all these party favors....and the various instruments of the espinosa brothers...((bongos...snare...shaky things...mostly drums and such)) but we all crowded together and just started jamming. it was an INCREDIBLE feeling..making CRAZY music that made us sound like we were a tribe. our energy was great. the whole trinidad line revolves around food and music. not a bad combination. haha but yea..made music while walkin aroung the house makin noise...11:54 rolled around and we all crowded into the living room..with party music making all kinds of noise...and singing our ASSES off...it was so great. I LOVE MY FAMILY well did the whole yelling and hugging when the new year came...then everyone scattered...the adults into the garage to drink and play poker..the kids into the garage to drink and play blackjack..haha oh..a word of advice....not a good idea to drink in front of the mom hahah not that bad..but that look of disappointment...she didn't really care though. haha...but uhh...TO BE CONTINUED...((FOOD IS HERE FINALLY!!))

lil_fili_beb @ 2003-12-31T21:42:00

2004-01-01T05:31:01Z

R.I.P
Clay Austin II

you're home now.

we gotta learn guys. it's a shame that a life had to be claimed for this to settle. for people to see that none of it is worth it. NONE OF IT IS WORTH A LIFE. someone's life was STOPPED over this. we gotta learn guys.

'I'm gonna turn to the earth and scream "Love your life!"'

..or u'll get the scare that DJ did...

2003-12-30T07:18:33Z

DUNKS ARE BOMB. haha the brown and orange one is deejay's the pink and marron one is stephs the COOL BROWN AND BLUE ONE is yours truly and the blue and gray one is gringo's yea. we're cool haha.

OH MAN..haha i'm having THEE funniest conversation with pj right now. too bad i gotta keep it on the DL. haha I'M A COMEDIAN GUYS. haha it's so funny.

so today is my bro's DAY OF BIRTH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA
so we went thrift shopping today..and got a WHOLE CRAP LOAD OF CLOTHES.
it's great. i love thrift shops. we CLEANED UP DAWG.

so what has rachelle been up to since christmas you say? well let's recap:

friday i went to the santa maria's new house. NICE. they have THEE COOLEST SHOWER. and the TRAMPOLINE. oh man...the TRAMPOLINE. haha it's great.
saturday was alex's birthday. sweet 16. didn't do much. went to eat dinner at applebee's with the cousins and such. it was nice
sunday we went to church with the santa maria's i missed everyone there. the little sunday school kids put on a play..OH MAN..it was the CUTEST THING..haha and the funniest too. then went to eat. back home. church with kuya cholo, deejay, liz, and kuya dino then went to watch loth: return of the king..me, steph, and deejay didn't watch the whole thing. we left to watch cheaper by the dozen i know what ur thinking "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD ANYONE LEAVE LORD OF THE RINGS FOR A FAMILY FLICK?!' well i didn't watch the first two..and didn't really feel like bugging the person next to me asking why this was happening and who the hell froto was. haha but we went back for the last hour since that movie is FOREVERLONG. i liked what i saw of it. they took FOREVER AND A DAY to end that mess though. haha. got jack in the box. slept.

so there you go. tomorrow i'm planning on staying home to work on ALL THE HOMEWORK IN THE WORLD. i miss my house. it's been to long guys. WAY TOO LONG. haha i need to return to the home body i once was.

OH! rachelle got her attachments for the digital. HERE ARE SOME PRETTY PICTURES TO LOOK AT :)

me and liz. after a nice session of jumping on THE TRAMPOLINE. heh

steph and liz on the trampoline. yea..steph is doin the matrix thing. COOL HUH?

..i...i dunno man. haha

man..i SO want a trampoline.

liz, me and steph. trampoline jumping is a WORKOUT man.

the basco family on xmas...AwWwW.

the trinidad ladies: charlene, liz, me, and stephanie

me and steph with our COOL trinidad shirts...complements of the espinosa bros. watch out for the no vertical limit clothing co! ((dunno even remember if that's what it's called))

me and liz on xmas

me and jm on our xmas eve eve with the guys....like my cool hat? haha yea..present from eb...the jacket courtesy of ROSIE...and glasses are mr. kris'

kris on xmas eve eve. fun stuff.

uhm. there's more..but this is already entirely too many. hahah sorry guys.

~~imisshim~~

...'they sang happy birthday and stufff..'....'for who? OH! hah nvm'

2003-12-26T03:37:10Z

m e r r y c h r i s t m a s

aloooha. how was everyone's christmas eve?
mine was GREAT.
had the whole trinidad crew here til ike 5am
always nice. i love my family guys
so what'd everyone get?
i got COOL things...

white and gray pumas from kuya melo
blue and brown dunks from my kuya
a cd case
a shirt
a bunch of money
a thing..haha i dunno what it's called

i think i forgot stuff..but yea...i talked to jasper too. fun stuff. love that guy.

the 23rd was the christmas eve eve with the guys. it was NICE. we all went to eb's house. opened gifts. haha it was funny.
i got uhhhhm...

cds from jm
a COOL hat from eb
a bob marley shirt from kris
a jacket from rosa loza
puzzles from izak

izak got everyone's gift from the 99 cent store. he's great. but yea it was nice just hanging out. then we went to eat at sammy's then went home around 11? yea. it was nice.

so tomorrow i'm headed to the santa maria's house. gonna go paintballing on uhhh saturday. should be FUN and i'm gonna jump ALL over their trampoline. hah man i'm tired. BYE GUYS.

...take my breath awaaaaaaay...

2003-12-23T06:51:14Z

oNebOi16: man im hella sad
i L L x even: why?
oNebOi16: jes reasons
i L L x even: ..kay?
i L L x even: so ur gonna im me and tell me ur sad..and not even tell me why?
oNebOi16: yea..
i L L x even: alright..THAT makes sense..heh
oNebOi16: yea..
i L L x even: alright..well i dunno what to tell you
oNebOi16: its kew
i L L x even: alright
oNebOi16: yea..

well THAT was a complete waste of FIVE minutes. i dont' mean to be mean but i mean...hah i said mean like FIFTY times..but it really bothers me when people just say things for sympathy. i mean really...was there a VALID reason for him to im me just saying he's sad? and NOT tell me WHY? i already know what he wanted..he wanted me to be all 'aww..charles don't be sad..i'm here for you...i love you...etc.' THAT'S STUPID. don't going LOOKING for sympathy. it's crap. ten bucks says he doesn't even have a GOOD REASON to be sad. IT'S EFFING CHRISTMAS. be happy for goodness sake. and if ur gonna be all MOPEY..at least TELL ME WHY so i can TRY to understand. i mean i swear...the things people do for attention. and i don't know about YOU..but if *i* were 'hella sad' i wouldn't waste my time being online. for some reason...he just really frustrated me.

sorry guys

so went shopping with jm, kris, and eb today. it was fun. we're becoming a little group us four. it's sweet. haha we went to denim bank and all those great stores in that area. made it all EXTRA hard for the guys to shop for us since we were there. haha sorry guys. then we went to tyler i bought my bro's present. FINISHED MY XMAS SHOPPING guys. how GREAT. then we went to the area around eb's house and ate and hung out and stuff. it was nice. love hanging out with them.

tomorrow is our little christmas eve eve with the guys at eb's house. should be FUN

imissyou
ehh. not even gonna start.

just keep swimming..just keep swimming...

2003-12-20T07:56:23Z

l a s t d a y o f s c h o o l

whoo.i was late to school heh.
i got there right when the guys were leaving for denny's
i didn't ditch guys :)
but uhh..yea i showed up with ALL THE PRESENTS IN THE WORLD..((i was santa.))
and a thing of milk..and cereal. yea i looked weird.
i gave amanda her present :) hope she likes it.
and dropped off the food and such in the class for the party
the cereal party was BOMB. haha we should do that again.
but i ended up having a stomach ache..ALL DAY.
i ate five bowls guys.
that's a lot..it's cause i was competing..
and i lost...
david: 8 bowls ((that cheater...))
damien: 7
lucho: 6
robert: 6
mrs. rosenzweig: 5 ((BUT SHE'S PREGNANT. she's eating for two. so it's not fair))
me: 5
hah yea...i held my own guys. but i think i regret eating that much.
my stomach HUUUUURT.it still does.
the rest of the day..was pretty uneventful.

after school me, rosie, and jm got picked up and went to boompa's
had some fun...rosie got a celllll phone
yea that's right..LOLA ROSIE GOT A PHONE
heh. so after we ate..we went to rosie's house..
kris, izak, and kevin were there..
they jammed. i took a shower.
then around....6? we went to kelleah's
watched LXG exchanged presents then watched gia sexXxXy. haha
yea..it was nice. i love kelleah and cher and all of them they're GREAT.
and now i'm home.
i almost lost my digital camera guys *gasp*
prgress reports are in *gasp* i hope jm didn't get in trouble. =\

well i'm tired..and not feeling to well...GNITE GUYS..

what i got today:
*cool paper making thing from amanda*
*blackstar cd from joann*
*underwear from cher ((of course))*
*money from kelleah*
*vicky secret stuff from tee*
*a wristband and a FASTBREAK from colleen*
*and a bunch of cards and candy from other people*

i'm starting to do that thinking thing again. CRAP. i don't like having relationships. they end up with me like this. it's crap. i don't like this feeling. it's not fun. at the beginning of EVERYTHING i think it's worth it. i'm not so sure it is anymore. i don't want relationships anymore. single rachelle is a much happier one.

...geez..what else is ur teacher?!

2003-12-18T05:37:23Z

me: use loathing in a sentence
eb: The loathing force toward the Iraqi citizens petrified all of mankind
me: hah alright
eb: or black people
me: my teacher is black.
eb: haha oh.
eb: ok then...women
me: SHE'S A BLACK WOMAN.
eb: dang...what ELSE is ur teacher?!

yea that was fun.
so how was everyone's day? mine was...alright
haha i'm looking at cher's xanga even though i already read it
i'm just looking at it cause i like the song on here. haha
good way to get people to your site...GET A BOMB SONG ON IT.
GOOD IDEA.
so let's see what happened today shall we?
you say let's!
p.e. uhhhm the usual..played basketball..me and joann are BOMB. OH..some gross beyond reason girl decided that it'd be HILARIOUS to tape a USED tampon to the inside of the pe office...GROSS...no one knows who it was but until the coaches find out who did it...the girls are to report to the track EVERY day. what girl in their RIGHT mind finds that crap FUNNY?! that's UNSANITARY! what if she had freakin STDS?! we'd all have aids right now. THINK BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING PEOPLE. IT MAY BE FUNNY TO YOU..BUT IT COULD HURT SOMEONE. hah.
world history easy day...CEREAL PARTY ON FRIDAY...the benefits of having a PREGNANT teacher..she just wants food. everyone was talking about that whole kris and me thing...stupid david putting me on blast. i don't like him guys. i don't.
english MRS. HUDSON SUCKS. we had to finish our benchmark today..and if we didn't finish it before the period ended..we had to stay FOREVER to finish...and we started it like 15 min before class ended..so half the class stayed after...so i ended up missing lunch...STUPID.
lunch DIDN'T HAVE ONE DUE TO THE ABOVE.
geometry the usual. insane mrs. lane. hah
bio a test i actually did good on...be proud of me. and i took a nap too :)
french watched finding nemo in french..GREAT STUFF.
after school we hung out in the a.c.t room. it was fun...then went to rosies house and watched freaky frida haha YES. that movie is TOO FUNNY.

sdjfhjsdfhuiweghfusdfjchsdiufhuehdfjkasdjeiowfhk dkfjkdhi jksdjfiohiohkdsjfks.
well said rachelle.

haha NUTS.

2003-12-17T23:53:28Z

hmmMm so it seems that mr. LIVEJOURNAL decided that he wanted more FRIENDS and doesn't reqire the CODE giving to join the CLUB..OoOO how FUN. thinking about making a new journal..cause je deteste the my username..lil_fili_beb. PSH. stupid AZN. haha you can't be mad at me..i made this WONDERFUL thing when i was JUSt getting out of my AZN phase. wEn i stiL tYpEd lYkE dIs. yea it's gay i kno. so new journal yes? when i have the time..i'll do it. i'll try not to pull one of those things where i say i'll do it later and NEVER EVER DO IT EVER. haha i need some kind of motivation....HEY GUYS! HELP ME...comment..and make fun of my user name...so i get all SAD and make a new one because i'm a follower and i just want to be cool. so if you tell me to change my username a few times and make fun me..you kno call me a few names..i JUST might do it. haha.

oh..ur birthday is the 11th? my babe used to be 11. criesi>

2003-12-17T07:35:36Z

hi guys. long time no see..
wow you all look SO grown
dalaga na man! i know i know. i'm a fob
hanging out with too many filipinos.
damn them filipinos right? psh. right. haha
so yea..lots been going on lately
not really but..been THINKING a lot lately
OoOOo the thoughts of rachelle
haven't done THAT in a while
i've been wanting to write SO bad..
no FREAKIN time. i've had SO much to say though guys
don't think i can remember it all.
a lot of different thoughts goin on.
i don't think i'm totally sure about ANY situation i'm in right now.
i don't like that unstable feeling.
it makes me feel....unstable
wow would you IMAGINE that? haha
nothing is really all TERRIBLE with me
nothing is really GREAT either.
yesterday was fun. i went over to kevin's after school
girltalked with him. i haven't talked to him forever.
it's about time we caught up.
everyone has a boyfriend now guys! WOW! haha
the WHOLE group has one...watch:
jm has evan <<--didn't say EB cause they'd both just have two letters..and calling her joanne is just weird.
amanda has aj <<--precious couple them too<<--HAH I SAID TOO. i meant TWO....HAVEN'T BEEN SEEING HER AT ALL LATELY. that jerk.
rosie has peter <<--if they get married.....ROSA LOZA..yEEeEa. HAHA
joann PRACTICALLY has nigel <<--sweet little azn couple.
cher has jun <<--yea that's right..MY GIRLFRIEND..has a boyfriend...whatever..i'm better.

it's just down to me guys. haha
don't really think i'll be wanting a boyfriend anytime soon
seems that every guy that's been coming into my path...i compare with jasper
i don't even do it on purpose..it just happens.
it sucks. cause we all know that jasper is the greatest right?
right.
damn it. i miss him.
so yea..no boy action in the rachelle area for a while..
I'M CLOSED. not TAKEN. but CLOSED.
BOYS NEED NOT APPLY thankyouverymuch.

i L L x even: "went home around 8:00 p.m..when went past by the exit to mai babes city..i started to cry in the car.."
i L L x even: WTF...this guy cries too much
i L L x even: if you were a girl..would you want ur guy CRYING....EVERY SECOND HE THINKS ABOUT YOU?
i L L x even: jasper..when i saw the florida orange juice bottle in the fridge..i just...BROKE DOWN..
JasperDV1: if i was a guy
JasperDV1: which i am
JasperDV1: i would want my girl crying non stop
JasperDV1: like brittany
JasperDV1: spears
JasperDV1: CRY ME A RIVER
i L L x even: haha but...
i L L x even: i said IF YOU WERE A GIRL..
i L L x even: would you want ur GUY crying...
i L L x even: over you..like...'oh....ur birthday is the 11h? my babe used to be eleven'
i L L x even: WAAAAAAAH.

got kelleahs present :)
need cher's
need jm's
got eb's :)
got kris' :)
writing something for jasper :)
got kevin's :)
...i don't have my list with me. hah

goodnite guys. time for THE GREAT AREA AND PERIMETER PROJECT. stupid mrs. lane and her math songs.

GOT MY DIGITAL CAMERA TODAY GUYS.

lil_fili_beb @ 2003-12-13T21:30:00

2003-12-14T05:56:15Z

aloha. tomorrow is my birthday guys :)
not really as excited as i thought
but rachelle got BANK! haha let's go shopping :)
yesterday i FINALLY watched the infamous Pirates of the Caribbean
OH MAN...johnny depp is a SEXXY BEAST.
hung out with the guys. it was nice
i don't know what to do about kris
i don't know whether i like him or not
it's on and off with him
and can't start anything with an unstable feeling
cause then i'll be all GAY and back out
i've already told him that i just wanna be friends
but i guess sometimes the way i act around him makes him think otherwise
i'm not PURPOSELY leading him on guys
i hope you don't think i am cause i'm not
i don't know why i don't like him though...
there really isn't any reason why i shouldnt
but i can't control it..
i mean there's not even anything standing in my way
there's no OTHER GUY....cause me and jasper..i guess are just friends now
i'm cool with that. i want him to be happy
and rosie is with peter..
but something just isn't working for me i guess. i dunno
i'm a fickle lady. haha i'm sorry.

so uhhm..i guess jasper has jen now
...YUP...
i'm cool with it
it's ABOUT time they got together
but it' still hurts a little you know?
can't help it. i still love him
i still have feelings for him
i wish things could be different
but hey..what you want isn't always what you need right? RIGHT.
i hope he doesn't start reading this. haha
but yea it's cool
i still wanna have a BOMB friendship with him though
kay i'm outta stuff to say...BYE GUYS.

Nine things you "wear" daily:
1. shirt of some sort
2. pants
3. underwear
4. lotion
5. wristband
6. hair tie
7. shoes/ slippers
8. contacts/glasses
9. ....this is hard..haha

Eight movies you'd watch over and over (in no particular order):
1. brown sugar
2. fight club
3. pirates of the caribbean (oooOoO johnny depp)
4. love and basketball
5. sunse park
6. girlfight
7. snatch
8. the last one is always the hardest.

Six objects you touch every day:
1. my hair
2. my tooth brush
3. my cell phone
4. oencil/pen
5. FOOD
6. THE LAST ONES ARE KILLING ME.

Five things you do every day:
1. listen to music
2. talk
3. go to the BATHROOM
4. eat
5. wow...are you serious?! i can't think of ONE MORE THING?! crap.

Three of your favorite songs at this moment:
1. bob marley and lauryn hill - turn your lights down low
2. atmosphere - f*** you lucy
3. when kevin plays tears in heaven on the guitar..IT'S GREAT. ((HEY I GOT THE LAST ONE))

Two people who have influenced your life the most:
1. my brother
2. jm

One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
1.my music ((sorry no people here..haha))

1. Fallen for your best friend? ...yea.
2. Made out with JUST a friend? NOPE
3. Been rejected? no, never askd haha
4. Been in love? yes mam <<--is that how you spell mam?
5. Been in lust? ..no?
6. Used someone? no
7. Been used? i hope not..
8. Cheated on someone? no
9. Been cheated on? no
10. Been kissed? ya
11. Done something you regret? yes

Who was the last person...
12. You touched? alea
13. You talked to? aaron
14. You hugged? my kuya
15. You instant messaged? LABER
16. You kissed (non family)? kelleah
17. You had sex with? uhm..how bout NO.
18. You yelled at? ....catherine..even though it's online..it still counts
19. You laughed with? my cousins
20. You had a crush on? jasper

Have you/do you/do you have...
22. Color your hair? yea i'm a big AZN
23. Have tattoos? no..but want one..
24. Piercings? yup
25. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? nope..don't think? i dunno haha
26. Floss daily? NOPE..no patience for that..
27. Own a webcam? nope
28. Ever get off the damn computer? yea..
29. Sprechen sie deutsche? what did you call me?
30. Habla espanol? NOPE....
40. Considered a life of crime? yea..i wanna be bad like willa ford
41. Considered being a hooker? haha i was one for halloween..it's not all that great.
42. Considered being a pimp? nope..
44. Split personalities? nope
45. Schizophrenic? nope
46. Obsessive? no?
47. Obsessive compulsive? contrary to popular belief..NO.
48. Panic? sometimes...but rarely
49. Anxiety? not really
50. Depressed? not really..
51. Suicidal? nope...that's GAY.
52. Obsessed with hate? ...no.
53. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? no..
54. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? no
55. If you could be anywhere, where would you be? sleeping at home.
56. and what would you be doing? sleeping. haha
57. Can you do anything freakish with your body? haha..no well i can do this thing with my mouth..haha and NO it's not GROSS. you perverts.
58. Chicken or fish? chicken
59. Do you have a favorite animal, no matter how lame it may be? not really
60. Why? i dunno.

Current...
Clothes: brown pumas...jeans...brown spagetti strap lacy thing...light brown button up...thing..
Mood: ...apathetic
Music: people watching bruce almighty
Taste: m&ms
Hair: down
Annoyance: none really
Smell: lugao
Thing I ought to be doing: going to the bathroom.....homework
Desktop Picture: not on my computer
Favorite Group: blackstar
DVD In Player: what? does that make sense?
Color Of Toenails: don't do that thankyouverymuch
Refreshment: water
Worry: lots.

Favorite...
Food: sushi / sashimi just give me raw fish wasabi & soy sauce & steamd white riice i will be fiine haha
Drink: green tea & somemore green tea
Color: blaq & grey but startin to feel for brown
Shoes: uhms chucks
Candy: twix
Animal: turtles, puppies, uhms hamsters, reptiles
TV Show: that 70s show
Movie:
Vegetables: mushrooms =)
Fruit: every fruit

Are you...
Understanding: yes
Open-minded: yes
Arrogant: no
Insecure: doesn't seem like it..but yea..
Interesting: sure?
Hungry: not really
Friendly: yes mam
Smart: i CAN be
Moody: not as much as some other girls. MY GOD.
Independent: yea
Hard working: i wish doode
Organized: have you SEEN my room?!
Healthy-eater: hah i try
Emotionally stable: yea..most of the time
Difficult: with my parents
Attractive: NO
Bored easily: short attention span
Thirsty: right when i read that i got thirsty
Responsible: when i have to be
Sad: somewhat
Happy: somewhat
Trusting: yea
Ill: MATIC.
Talkative: fa SHO

Who do you want to...
Kill: CRAP..when i read that there was ONE name that came to mind..CRAP. hahah
Slap: yO mOmMa
Look Like: that chick on pirates of caribbean..she was HOT STUFF MAN
Be Like: no one
Talk To Offline: jasper

so would i be out of line...if i said i miss you

2003-12-11T06:44:28Z

crap guys.
it hurts.
i don't even know what i want anymore.
this is crap
whatever.

lil_fili_beb @ 2003-12-07T01:03:00

2003-12-07T08:42:44Z

me and kelleah..i love her
i'm on the right
you like my face right? WHOO.

to the heart and mind...ignorance is blind...there's no comfort in the truth..pain is all you'll find..

2003-12-05T07:22:58Z

there is no snow today
there is no rain today
the only thing on my mind today is sunshine
and i'm having a hard time faking this smile

uhm. today was...alright?
wore my BOMB scarf thing today "hey that's a cool hat/shoes/shirt/scarf..where'd you get that? oOoO yeEea"
uhm. we ran the mile today. that was alright
nice talk with joann as usual
world history was alright
that teacher loves me. haha i'm her favorite student
damn straight.
got 100 on the essay! yay for rachelle!
english sucked my butt so bad.
mrs hudson got ALL crazy with me. what was that?! i'm telling you. she hates me.
lunch was preetty good just did the usual
geometry was boring.
biology...i fell asleep and kept like...doing that thing where you like twitch and wake up.
i looked retarded.
met up with jm and all of them after 6th...
was late to 7th so i didn't go.
went to jm's..watched family guy and ordered pizza..
took a nap..like a bitch. hah
came home...now my parents went to the casino..
so house...all to myself...on a THURSDAY night..
fun stuff guys.

dksfjdsifh. i dunno what's happening with jasper. i really don't. it's like..we're slowly..pulling outta the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing like..we both don't wanna break up..but we both kinda know..it's bound to happen i guess...i dunno..i don't even know what he thinks about it...he's kind of avoiding it..so i'm just like...alright..whatever he wants to do...i guess like..jdfklsdjf i wanna be with him and i'm sick of all these stupid dramatic talks we have....i don't like arguing with him..or making him feel bad..or anything like that..and i don't wanna break up..but it's like..i understand you kno? cause of our circumstances...but of course it hurts..i can't be like..happy about it or anything..so i hope he's not expecting me to be all...happy for him..cause..it's natural emotion..i mean i'll understand and i'll be alright with it i guess..but can't expect me to just be like 'oh ok..i don't care that you have another girlfriend' i just sometimes get the feeling that he wants to break up already just..he doesn't want to hurt me or anything..i mean..i just wish that if he did want to..that he just did it already..and just spare me all this...wondering..and spare himself the trouble you kno? i don't want to break up though. i know we probably should...but i don't want to. i still love him guys. i think i was just rambling. haha jdskfjsdi i don't know guys.

gnite.
i'm emotionally confused.

what is with the traffic?! we have to get to church!!! bitch!

2003-12-04T05:53:22Z

yO.

today was BOMB guys.
i love hanging out with those guys
school was alright.
pretty uneventful.

after school was WONDERFUL
jm, me, rosie, kris, eb, izak, brian,..and brian's sister went to denim bank..it was FUN STUFF
so much fun making jokes with them.
haha so many jokes...

uhh ihave to do homework..GNITE GUYS.

i kno something you don't know

you're SPOILED kris!

2003-12-02T06:26:23Z

i'm so tired guys. i'm EXHAUSTED.
that is my mood. haha my mood is EXHAUSTED.

emotional rachelle is coming guys..oh no..oh..oh..here she comes..oh dang..oh shoot..DANGIT. here she is.

dksfjsoifsioehi. i'm scared.

that's all i'll say cause freakin emotional rachelle is the biggest loser in the WORLD. she's annoying. haha so i'll lock her in the basement.

gnite guys.

lil_fili_beb @ 2003-12-01T11:42:00

2003-12-01T19:52:11Z

gay loser gay loser hey..ur a GAY LOSER. yea..that's right..i'm talking to YOU..you GAYLOSER
gotta get it outta this system of mine before talking to that GAY LOSER later.
i refuse to loser! hahah i meant to say LOSE. that was a typo.

the movie this is done...
the crucible oOoO with all the smokey effects and music. WHOO.
it's pretty funny..everyone is laughing up a STORM.

bell rang BYE

iloveyou

2003-11-29T23:02:47Z

that's why i love him so much guys.

daddy's birthday today..
hopefully today is a good day :)

ahhh..don't look up my skirt...

2003-11-29T07:03:02Z

today was great guys.
another good day.
woke up this morning around...9?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE WOKE UP SO EARLY. haha
but yea i called jasper cause i missed him
i still do =\
but yea he didn't answer...
but he called me back like two seconds later...
and we talked all morning.
ilovehimguys
i dunno i was being a little..stand offish with him this morning
cause of the whole...situation.
i dunno why i do that. but...yea..i'm sorry
but yea..talked to him for a good...2 hours

me and jm ate cereal while watching family guy
H I L A R I O U S
it's gon rain...
'honey..what's that cloud look like to you? cause to me it looks like RAIN!" haha
great.
then we just hung out...and planned everything for everyone coming over for filming and stuff
amanda and rosie came over..
we had fun getting dressed and stuff
everyone else started coming
everyone = me, jm, rosie, amanda, kelleah, cher, weston, eb, kevin, izak, kris, lorenzo, deserae(?)..
i think that was it..
but yea it was a FUN night guys. it was pretty GREAT. i loved it.
i love hanging out with all of them.
we should do that again sometime. haha

going to sadie with kelleah
since my girlfriend is going with her BOY..
and MY boy isn't HERE. haha
so kelleah is my woman for the night
WONDERFUL.

well i'm tired..tomorrow is mi padre's birthday....
GNITE GUYS.
FEEL BETTER CHARLES :(

..you don't KNOW me..

2003-11-28T00:18:59Z

happy thanksgiving

wonderful day yesterday guys.
not really the SCHOOL part
but the AFTER SCHOOL part was GRAND.

i fell asleep in like 3 of my classes.
i have NO idea why i've been SUPER tired lately.
it sucks.

but yea..hung with the guys yesterday
it was GREAT.
we hung out at patricia's house for a little bit
then we went to go buy us some in n out
had ourselves a little thanksgiving dinner like ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
cept for the fact that brian ((heh..i almost spelled BRAIN)) was super mad that we didn't get him food and kept picking at everyone else's food while constantly saying 'fuck you'
GREAT.
but yea it was cute.
we decided that we should do that the nite before every major holiday
"like the night before christmas!..oh wait..that's christmas eve...dang."
but yea
then we dropped rosalia off :(
and izak :(
and then we all headed to ontario
yeeea a lot of stuff happened it was FUN STUFF.
i love those guys.
KEVIN SMASHED MY FOOT IN THE CAR DOOR
yea it's still hurting. haha. OH WELL. it's ok.
got home around...10:30?? yea. it was nice.

giving you everything...that she's not giving..

talked to jasper last night. yeea. ehh.man it hurts. i can't say that i DO want him to go and get with her..but at the same time..i never wanted to hold him back from anything that could be happening over there you know? i don't wanna stand in the way of anything. i...it hurts..but it's not like it's never happened before right? eh. it's different this time guys..i really..i don't wanna lose him. but i kno they have something..whether ((dunno if i used the right one..that whole thing never made sense to me)) or not he admits it. and i don't wanna ...dfjsdfjoweh. i dunno what i'm saying. i'm preparing myself though guys. ilovehim i want him to be happy. that's it.